Life

What is emotion? It can make a person feel esctatic, heavenly , and then allow a person to fall into the deep abyss of pain, horror and sorrow. To function usefully in this world, a person has to be devoid of all emotions. Not being cold-blooded per se, but being subjective towards whatever task at hand. Emotions are always the root of all consequent bad decisions, and every human being are slaves to emotional turmoil. I need to be able to supress all these emotional turmoil in order to help myself out of inefficiency and lousy judgements......

Just came back from Malacca... its was'nt exactly fun, but i had to obliged my mum and accompany her and my dad. The whole trip was all about travelling from places to places in a bus. I was like sleepin my way thru out the whole of the bus ride, only to be interrupted sporadically by the tour guide to get down the bus and have a look at the "places of interest" which bored me so much that I literally felt like killin myself...immediately after reachin home, i juz switch on my com to check my e-mail, turn on Zouk Rhythm, and sippin my er..."coke". tis life man...suddenly i thought of goin to work the next day...sux..felt like vomittin...anyway, i gonna bring some of the foodstuff i bought from Malacca to office tomorrow, so as to pacify my "merciless" colleagues who will relentlessly nagged at me if i dont bring anything to them tomorrow...

Idealism is an doubled-edged sword. No doubt having ideals can actually spur pp to greater heights, when they have optimistic viewpts and truly believe that only the sky is the limit. However, I realised that in today's society,esp in Singapore, people are setting too high and therefore unrealistic goals for themselves. This is when idealism becomes a dangerous tool of mankind. It can drive a person to total desperation, even to point of insanity. We go around telling pp that nothing is impossible, so as to simply bring hope to pp who are at difficult crossroads of their lives. However, when "nothing is impossible" becomes so ingrained into a person that it becomes his or hers mantra, way of life, extremism is bound to happen in some stage. I am beginning to feel the cracks of some of my friends with highly idealistic values, who are beginning to have serious doubts not in their valus, but the environment that they are in. Forcing themselves to pull away from the public, whom they think are mindless creatures that only knows how to lead the mundane lives, never improvin. I once had that kind of idealism in me too, but luckily I am someone who is pretty able to adapt, therefore only suffered some minor cuts. I myself is also constantly fighting myself against goin way too idealistic. Lacking the skills to help my friends, I hope that time will bring light to them, and let nature takes its course.
THE WORLD IS NOT PERFECT....We must no doubt learn to go with the surroundings, and not pit our thinking against what we see around us.....

It occurs to me that only in the face of death, one is able to willingly face the truth, and to want to live life to the fullest. The living is never gonna understand the precious time that they have now, it is only when the candlelight of life begins to diminish, that one feels regret for things not done, and dreams not fulfilled...or even simple thoughts not materialised...regrets...

I realise that I am somebody who thinks only, and never have the courage to translate all my thoughts into actions. I know deep inside my heart that if I continue livin like this, I will continue to think myself as a failure for the rest of my life. I fully understand that all the barriers and obstacles I encountered in life originates from myself, my mind. I am limited by my own thoughts, not but the external surroundings. It is up to me whether I have the courage to live out what I truly want, to put all my reservations, worries out of my mind.

Last night, before I went to sleep, I suddenly realised that I actually believe in something, and that belief is so strong that I think it is the only value I will keep with me till I rest underground . It is kinship. It suddenly occured to me that despite all the fucked-up thoughts in my mind and the pessimisim bothering my actions, I had always placed my family first, on top of anything else. When I first enlisted in the army, I thought of my parents. In the lonely nights in the in Tekong, I was thinking of their healths and wondering how have they been doing. All these were instinctive, like how a kangeroo will place her young in her pouch and protect it from harm. My parents have actually been my one and only beacon of support. In times of difficulties, although I did not actually speak up to them about all my problems, seeing them gives me strength. I do not want to disapoint my parents by revealing weakness and a lack of enthusiam in life. They not only gave me this life, but also had been selflessly giving me whatever things they could possibly afford. I do not take all these for granted. Treasuring them is my prerogrative, above everything else. I dont wanna regret when they are gone, for blaming myself for not doing enough.
My next aim now is to look for a suitable girl, a girl whom I can spent the rest of my life with. I wanna share with her whatever I have and be her constant pillar of support. I will do whatever I can to make her happy, contented. In life, I believe that having the partner should be the next main thing in a person's life. It is in this partner that you may find the strength not only for survival, but the strength to carry out great dreams, with your partner giving all of herself to support you in whatever ways. That is what family is all about. Give and not thinking about return, and doing all these instinctively, self-consciously, because you truly want your love one to be happy.
I am happy that I found out something very important in my life, because for the past 2 years or more I had only been thinking of either materialistic gains or personal gratifications and dreams. As humans, we must understand that the world is interconnected, and we need each other for survival. Be it friends or kins, it is always very difficult to be living alone in this world. However, I strongly believe that only family can last throughout the whole of your life, and it is family that can truly make a person HAPPY.....

Today i woke up much later then usual....at 0915 instead of the usual 0630. No need to work today, but actually i planned wake up around 0730 to work out and do my 5km run tis morning, but Mr Zzz got me instead....feeling very bored now, actually thought that I will be outside with my usual frenz, des n aaron n co. But they not free, so i will only be meeting up with aaron later in the evening, to get some clothes for myself and present for terence. AAron told me he failed his tp today, so i feel sorry for him. U juz need luck in tis kind of test.
Anyway, now in msn chatting with ah beng n my jc classmate. feeling very bo liao now....dunno wat to do...no aim...cant wait to go university and get my life back
I feel very restrained workin in the office. Everybody seems to be very busy, no one to talk to. My colleagues all from auntie and uncle brigade, dunno wat to talk to them about. Except for the girl who always pass me stuff for me to check, but she called me "boy", and i think she at most only 24, 25 and she called me boy.... {irritating}
very bored...think workin is my life now... at least my mind seems focused and calmer when i workin....dont mind workin in the weekends as well...can meet chais too ha!